His Staff, My Thorn

After hearing a sermon this past Sunday about Moses and his staff turning into a snake, we were asked as a congregation to think, what is our staff? The question implies that whatever is in our hand seems like an everyday tool, but it is in actuality a tool of the Lord. While sitting, listening to him, I was literally holding Evan. Evan usually likes to go to his class but he was especially tired that day. I had visions of being a mother holding babies, babies in Africa and just loving them. After several failed attempts at employment I seem to still be looking for my “calling”. Today I read in Exodus about Pharaohs failed attempts to believe God sent Moses and Aaron to prove to him God was calling him so he could worship Him in the dessert. I feel like Pharaoh, not remembering the book I’ve read that set me on this oh so familiar path of confirmation or the many other confirmations God has sent my way confirming I am Mother and Wife, this is my calling. I for some reason still struggle with the acceptance; is it my calling for just now, or for the duration of his career? I have continually stepped in and out of this assured place of knowing, is this temptation, is it rebellion, I’m sure it’s a little bit of both.
Later I read Hebrews 12 and was reminded of the persistence it takes to rise to a specific calling. 1….”Let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence and appointed course of the race that is set before us.” Encumbrance stuck out to me as a word to meditate on. In the past while reading this scripture I never noticed encumbrance, I assumed it all to be sin that was a distraction. So now I think upon not only what my staff is but also, what is my encumbrance? I will have to really think and pray about that specifically.
This entire chapter is especially powerful but as I read on the other passages that stand out… I will paraphrase.
He is our Source of faith and also our finisher. He endured the Cross so that I may not grow weary in my MIND. I have not struggled agonizingly against sin to the point of pouring out my own blood.
Uhh so this is really heavy. In context to my calling and compared to this Holy selfless calling written about above, my calling is a privilege for some that I take for granted. It is rewarding to be the heart of God and experience the level of love out poured from such a Source. Everyone has a thorn, something(s) they struggle to overcome, this thorn for me is so mind boggling. I pray that I continue to be pliable, and patient and grateful for His provision and His grace is sufficient for me.