Not too long ago I started on this new path to accepting my role in life. This blog was started a year ago to just post pictures, now I am using it as an accountability tool. Most people have accountability partners when they start a new goal or need to rise to a specific challenge, but for me, its to remember why I am here. It won't matter who reads it, I still know its here. All too many times I have fought the idea of "just being" a "Stay-at-home-mom." Just this past November I set out to become the career woman I had always dreamed of by starting another degree program in Psychology; I currently hold a bachelors in Fine Arts, but don't use it for financial gain. More often than not, I'd wish away certain responsibilities feeling that I would never be the person I set out to be. Thanks to God he knew best, it just took me 10 years to figure it out. Well back to the new degree program...my first class assignment was to read Courage and Calling by Gordon T. Smith; its a great book if you are struggling with knowing your calling. It was this book, and Gods Grace, that completely changed how I viewed my place here in the Poche household. The pivotal sentence in the entire book was "When we set aside our longings for security , wealth, comfort, fame, and even acceptance, what do we long for?" This is a question that really burned in my mind for quite some time, not wanting to admit I wished for any of those things. I held back the idea for so long that I felt insecure or inadequate, but when I looked closer I couldn't have been more wrong. Society tells us we have to be women who take care of our family and house, run a company, be president of the PTO, support unconditionally the "roles" others ask of us, and love ourselves. Ladies, while I found we could strive to do it all, can we do it all 100% and is it fair that we ask ourselves to be this superwoman that I think society drives us to be. Well to answer the question proposed above, I came up with simply love my children, watch my husband thrive in happiness because his career provides lifelong investment in giving back to a cause he feels deeply about, and become an old woman with my old man. It took some time to swallow that without insecurity, in one way or another, I wasn't okay with not achieving the all time dream of career woman. I would ask myself the what ifs... and what happens when... and then when reminded that the guessing games were irrelevant because I already had security in the things I worry about, it always boiled down to... I love my family and I enjoy seeing them grow into who they are and thats okay.
Identity has always been very important to me. I am adopted by two very loving parents, and while I never looked like them, I loved them very much. I searched for ways to relate physically to them but always came up short, literally...both parents are several inches above the 5'3" I so proudly display. If you have ever seen my twin girls they look very much like carbon copies of me. I think this was a gift given to me because of my longing to see myself in someone else. We have a saying in our house when our children do something less desirable. We remind them, "Poche's don't _____"... you fill in the blank. I read somewhere it gives them a gauging tool; a practical way to help them make moral decisions. It really works they have an idea of what we expect or wish for them as they choose behaviors. Anyway, my point is, I am happy. I am happy being mom, Soldier lover, Army volunteer.This realization has lead me to loving my children for who they are, appreciating my husbands provisions for us, and freedom to love my life right where I am...P is for Poche, not pride, profit, plagiarism, or priss...just simply Poche.